its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
