PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
