I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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