Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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