Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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