you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
