Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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