I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
