If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
