yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
