you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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