just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
