I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize