i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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