When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
