I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
