yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
