and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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