i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
