Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
