Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
