Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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