I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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