So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
