i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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