you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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