We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
