life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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