from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
