i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Alive.
So much puke
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
