Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
