Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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