I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
