I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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