I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
