Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
