On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize