ugly people sure do ruin things
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
