when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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