Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
