omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
