The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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