Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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