please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
