Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
