he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
