I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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