The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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