Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he thought i was a dude.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize