1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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