If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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