You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize