Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
