I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize