Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
