I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
