And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
