Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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