he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
