I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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