thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
