Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
