oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
