ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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