Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
