do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
