Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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