I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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